Setting Boundaries
Maintaining boundaries in our relationships is psychologically healthy, promotes self-esteem and enhances relationships. Personal boundaries are established by us, and they outline what are reasonable ways for others to interact with us.
- Boundary setting falls into the area of being assertive
- Assertive behavior is about controlling yourself, not other people. (Wanting to control others is aggressive behavior)
- Assertive behavior is being able to state your wants and needs without blaming others
- Being able to say what you want and need kindly, also allows you to identify differences between you and others that can then be negotiated
What Keeps Us From Setting Boundaries?
- We often agree with people when we don’t actually want to, out of fear: fear of rejection or fear of conflict. This stance will lead to feelings of helplessness, depression, resentment, and, ultimately, more fear
- Our beliefs hold us back. The belief that we are not worthwhile people or that others are smarter than we are
- We were not taught healthy boundaries
Areas Needing Healthy Boundaries
- Protecting physical boundaries: unwanted touching or sexual advances; trolling on social media or going through personal belongings; protecting personal space
- Protecting emotional boundaries: being able to state what you need emotionally so that you don’t become a “people pleaser,” or be greatly affected by the moods of others. Emotional boundaries protect our self-esteem.
Healthy Boundaries
- Allow you to develop self-esteem
- Allow you to protect your physical space
- Allow you to say “No” and allow for others to say “No” to you
- Allow you to speak your truth so that others can get to know you
Unhealthy Boundaries
- Fosters resentment toward others
- Keeps your authentic self hidden from others
- Allows others to make decisions for you leading to feelings of helplessness and sadness