Relationships & Making Friends
Building new relationships in college can be scary for some, childhood relationships develop over years when everyone feels like they are on a more even playing field. College relationships can be more difficult to establish and have more expectations attached to them.
Developing and maintaining friendships is a skill, here are some general tips:
- Learn to build intimacy by being vulnerable with others
- Assume in advance that others will like you
- Learn to forgive others and resolve conflicts
- Express your authentic self (honesty) and appreciate honesty from others. Valuing honesty leads to an increase in trust
- Develop self-compassion, which helps with being able to be vulnerable
- Develop regular and frequent interactions with others. Familiarity increases comfort and decreases loneliness
As you develop relationships in college, keep these areas in mind:
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is one of the most important parts of being part of a healthy relationship. If you are able to build healthy self-awareness you are better able to understand and recognize your emotions, what your values are as an individual and in relationships, you have a clear sense of self and what you are looking for in relationships. Self-awareness is also key to the development of self-management skills.
Self-Management
Self-Management is how we manage our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. These skills allow you to make good decisions, think through all of your options, and understand how our behavior impacts others.
Social Awareness
Being socially aware means that you are able to interact with others in a manner that reflects that you understand and respect the needs and emotions of those around you. You are thoughtful about how you present yourself in situations and are respectful and sensitive to those you are interacting with.
Social Skills
Social skills refer to your ability to interact with others in a manner that is deemed acceptable in the social environment and culture that you are in. Your social skills will look different with your family, close friends, roommate, professors, or strangers.
Resilience
Resilience is your ability to adjust to circumstances both within and outside of your control. Your ability to successfully face challenges, such as transitioning to college and learning a new environment, demonstrate your resilience. Resiliency is key in the implementation of coping skills, facing challenges, and developing healthy relationships in a new environment.
People with good social support systems experience less loneliness and find life’s challenges to be easier. Loneliness leads to avoidance and isolation, thereby increasing the feeling of loneliness.
Barriers to social interactions include:
- Fear of rejection
- Social anxiety
- Loneliness which leads to isolation
- Negative self-evaluations and beliefs
If you are unable to overcome these barriers on your own, contact a therapist who specializes in helping you overcome these barriers.
It is rarely the case that friendships just happen by “chance.” Set an intention to be more social and then follow through. Social support will benefit you for your entire life. A good way to start is to take a recreational class that meets regularly (familiarity) or join a club or group with a topic of interest for you. In these cases, you will know that others who have also signed up for the class or group have at least one thing in common with you.
In Lawrence, check at the Lawrence Parks and Recreation site for listings of a variety of courses from fitness to travel, Classes and Programs - City of Lawrence, Kansas (lawrenceks.org), or the Lawrence Arts Center, Lawrence Arts Center - Art is for Everyone
More New Relationship Tips
Join Groups / Clubs – Finding friends through common interests in a great way to begin to build relationships. Check out the Student Life website or Rock Chalk Central for specific groups.
Eat In Common Areas – Eating with peers exposes you to people you might not otherwise encounter
Follow KU Social Media -- Social media is the best way to know what events or activities are coming up
Attend KU Events – Attending large University level events is a good way to meet people and larger community
Attend Department / School Events – These events will include the people you are with on a regular basis and a good way to begin to get to know them and network within your major / department / school.
Be Patient – Friendships take time, be patient with yourself and with others to allow relationships to grow naturally. Everyone is new to this, your childhood friendships did not develop overnight, college friendships won’t either. Let people get to know you!
Check out Events in Lawrence - Lawrence Parks and Recreation and the Lawrence Arts Center has listings of a variety of courses