Living with Roommates & Managing Conflict

College is often the first time most people live with anyone who is not a family member.  Learning to live with a roommate and respect the boundaries of someone you do not know can be very challenging part of adjusting to college life.  These skills are important for living with a roommate but can also be applied to a variety of interpersonal situations (group projects, disagreements with new friends, etc).

Get To Know Each Other.

Everyone is having a similar experience of leaving the comforts of home and living with someone new for the first time, even if you were friends before college, get to know each other!  It is easier to predict and understand someone if you have spent time getting to know one another.

Set House Rules.

It is important that expectations are set out in the beginning and that everyone knows what those expectations are.  Remember that no one can read your mind!  If you expect roommates to clean up after themselves, do dishes, take out the trash, etc. it needs to be clearly communicated.

Give Direct, But Kind, Feedback.

Providing private, direct, and kind feedback to the person you have feedback for is an important part of developing respect in relationships.  Do not bring additional people into a situation that you can resolve directly, the person you are giving feedback to is more likely to be receptive if you go to them directly and privately.  Be clear about what they did and how it can be corrected as well as what you can do to help the situation.

Listen To Their Feedback.

Expect that others may have feedback for you as well, remember you are all learning!  Listen to their feedback, ask for clarification if needed, collaborate to find a solution, summarize the issue and solution you both agree too.  Do not take feedback personally, but instead as an opportunity for growth.

Allow Time For Change.

Know that change takes time and everyone is struggling with learning how to live together.  Allow them time to make changes before re-addressing an issue with them.

Own Your Role.

Ensure that you are looking at your actions and role in the suite dynamics and making adjustments to be a flexible and respectful roommate as well.

Seek Guidance.

If these steps do not work to resolve the interpersonal issues, seek guidance through your informal process and move through that as needed.